The Alternative Resume Series

Like many resumes, mine reads as excitingly as a Congressional Bill, and looks just as tired. In my vain attempts to find work in this woeful awful icky economy, I have realized that I stand in an interesting, yet frustrating situation: I am somewhat overqualified for many jobs and sickeningly under-qualified for the rest. The only solution I can think of? Grab the nearest piece of corrugated cardboard, sweep up a sharpie with which to write "Will File Motions for Food at Swanky Restaurants," and stand at the corner of State and South Temple during the daytime hours. Or...in the alternative, I suppose I could make my resume accurately reflect what the jobs require, not necessarily who and what I am. With that in mind, I'm going to publish a series of alternative resumes that should go along with a slew of careers that I either find myself over- or under-qualified for. As any newly minted bachelor degree holder can tell you, resumes should have an objective at the top. Here's my objective: through this series, I hope to be able to discover for myself how exactly I can remedy that situation and give myself a shot at the glamour, the prestige, the money, and, in the end, the job. Really, though? Yeah, I would still like a job. But if you happen to laugh along the way, AWESOME. So, here's how it's gonna work: (1) I will attempt to stick with what I actually HAVE in my resume repertoire. Including:

• skills
• interests
• associations
• work experience
• volunteer experience, etc.
• Standard college/work BS we all include (emphases, honors, etc.)

(2) With #1 in mind, I must warn you that I just may, well... embellish a little bit. Let's face it, we all pad, or un-pad our resumes, as the case may be. So don't be surprised if some *cough cough* intriguing anomalies pop up. (3) I'm thinking of sending these resumes off to these employers and reporting on the results. Part of me (the Smart Part?) thinks it's a terrible idea; however, another part of me (the Fun Part?) just giggles and nods at the idea. We'll see who wins out. So, that's it in a nutshell. But, wait! THERE'S MORE!!! Here's what I need from you, dear Vogeler Nation: Job Suggestions. What would you like me to "qualify myself" for? Where can you envision a law-grad, English major? Where can you envision ME? I have my own ideas (including Sanitation, Red-Light, and Janitorial Work), but I'd like your input.