7.14.2009

The Alternative Resume Series

Like many resumes, mine reads as excitingly as a Congressional Bill, and looks just as tired. In my vain attempts to find work in this woeful awful icky economy, I have realized that I stand in an interesting, yet frustrating situation: I am somewhat overqualified for many jobs and sickeningly under-qualified for the rest. The only solution I can think of? Grab the nearest piece of corrugated cardboard, sweep up a sharpie with which to write "Will File Motions for Food at Swanky Restaurants," and stand at the corner of State and South Temple during the daytime hours. Or...in the alternative, I suppose I could make my resume accurately reflect what the jobs require, not necessarily who and what I am. With that in mind, I'm going to publish a series of alternative resumes that should go along with a slew of careers that I either find myself over- or under-qualified for. As any newly minted bachelor degree holder can tell you, resumes should have an objective at the top. Here's my objective: through this series, I hope to be able to discover for myself how exactly I can remedy that situation and give myself a shot at the glamour, the prestige, the money, and, in the end, the job. Really, though? Yeah, I would still like a job. But if you happen to laugh along the way, AWESOME. So, here's how it's gonna work: (1) I will attempt to stick with what I actually HAVE in my resume repertoire. Including:
  • skills
  • interests
  • associations
  • work experience
  • volunteer experience, etc.
  • Standard college/work BS we all include (emphases, honors, etc.)
(2) With #1 in mind, I must warn you that I just may, well... embellish a little bit. Let's face it, we all pad, or un-pad our resumes, as the case may be. So don't be surprised if some *cough cough* intriguing anomalies pop up. (3) I'm thinking of sending these resumes off to these employers and reporting on the results. Part of me (the Smart Part?) thinks it's a terrible idea; however, another part of me (the Fun Part?) just giggles and nods at the idea. We'll see who wins out. So, that's it in a nutshell. But, wait! THERE'S MORE!!! Here's what I need from you, dear Vogeler Nation: Job Suggestions. What would you like me to "qualify myself" for? Where can you envision a law-grad, English major? Where can you envision ME? I have my own ideas (including Sanitation, Red-Light, and Janitorial Work), but I'd like your input.

7 comments:

Sarah said...

Singing waiter? Perhaps on a cruise ship...

Kyle said...

Brine shrimp fisherman on the Great Salt Lake.

Jerkolas said...

Please be sure to add "Twilight basher" as a skill. I mean you have the #1 hit for "Stephanie Meyers sucks" still! And like 400 gazillion comments on it. Thats pretty big. Could that somehow be turned into a job? Make it happen.

C. David Gravett said...

I think you should do what thirty thousand other recently graduated, newly unemployed law graduates think about doing: work for free! It feels just like having a job: the stress, the boredom, and the frustration all without the added burden of figuring out how a spend a pay check!

Heidi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heidi said...

dear brother,
remember how your sister works for career services and makes part of her living helping people make ther resumes fit their jobs? maybe we should talk ;)

Mel said...

I would love to see your qualifications to be a "Mommy Blogger"