Christmas Eve Thoughts

  • How awesome is A Muppets Christmas Carol?  Has there been a more convincing Charles Dickens than The Great Gonzo?  And "Wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas" might be the catchiest showtune of the 90s.  This is a criminally underappreciated film.

  • TRON: Legacy was the longest music video I've ever seen, but maybe also the best.  Daft Punk scored the music and Pixar helped with the graphics and story.  It was like being at a crazy dance party...a 3D, PG-rated dance party.  (Fret not! lovers of the original TRON. This one has a lame, incromprehensible plot too!)

  • Christmas Traditions are awesome:
    • Stockings
    • Christmas Trees
    • Presents
    • Christmas Cheer
    • Christmas Eve, which at my house growing up included
      • Pork loin
      • Stuffing
      • Bavarian Bratwursts, or Pulser in the original Norwegian
      • Rice cream with Raspberry Syrup and a hidden almond in one of the bowls
      • Christmas Eve Movies
      • Christmas morning breakfast
      • The Post-gift giving/getting glow and subsequent exhaustion and nap.

  • Remembering that we celebrate Christmas to honor the greatest Gift ever given and that as we reunite with family and friends, we have a Hope of reuniting again after our time has passed.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.


App 4: The Happy Birthday App

Happy Birthday  
All versions: FREE (ad-supported)

The feel good app of the year, Happy Birthday allows users to feel that birthday fuzzy any time, anywhere they like. 

Included are popular versions of the "Happy Birthday" song, performed by such artists as Miley Cyrus, Paul McCartney, and Kanye West.

Easily record, playback, or peruse your favorite Birthday memories, such as:

  • The e-Book you wanted (Mark Twain--the Autobiography, this year)
  • Pictures of your favorite dinner made by your favorite spouse
  • Recordings of a choir composed of hugely talented singers belting out "Happy Birthday" to you
  • Cards, notes, and facebook messages wishing you many happy returns...
...and that's just the beginning.  HB will let you live in the nostalgia that is your life at the touch of a screen button. Download it now!

NOTE:  Thanks for the awesome birthday, erv.  And to everyone else who has made my birthdays reasons to celebrate.  I am a truly lucky man.


App 3: Forget Me Knot

Full Version: $.99;  Lite Version: FREE

Ever have a hard time remembering what you're supposed to be doing, when?  Well--not anymore!

Remember when you (or your Grandmother) used to tie string around your finger in order to remember a chore, avoid that broken step, or keep in mind the perils of jalapeno oilForget Me Knot allows you to tie those knots to yourself....digitally!

Forget Me Knot's patented GPS guidance system allows it to sense with pinpoint accuracy if you're approaching that blasted step as you proceed upstairs.  For soccer-parents continually on the go, FMK can sense if you're nowhere near the middle school 15 minutes before Johnny is done with his marching band rehearsal and alert you accordingly.

But perhaps its finest feature is FMK's ability to sense odors in the surrounding atmosphere.  For the lactose intolerant, FMK can sense the subtlest of dairy products in that delicious pasta you were about to shove down your gullet.  For those who persist in tempting the fiery chiles of fate, FMK can even detect the level of heat in a chile and remind the user to put plastic gloves on for the love of all habanero!*

Simply program FMK to remind, warn, caution, counsel, or alert the user whenever the user is about to do something dumb, forbidden, or potentially regretful.

And, yes, for those of you wondering, FMK can even remind the most well-intentioned of bloggers that they haven't posted recently even when they promised up and down that they would.  In short, this is the perfect app for the forgetful family member, friend, or coworker.

Buy now.  Before you forget!

*Who knew that jalapeno oil could burn you simply by getting it on your skin?!  Oh, jalapeno, how you seductively vex me!


App 2: The Utah Fan App

The Utah Fan App
Full Version: 3.99; "Non-Alcoholic" Version: Free

For those Utah football fans looking to revel in the Runnin' Utes' recent successes, this is not necessarily the App for you. Although, like the BYU Fan App, you can find video highlights of the Utes destroying Alabama in the 2008 Sugar Bowl or taking the paint off Pittsburgh in the 2004 Fiesta Bowl, the real must-have content of this App is in its most ingenious design:

Cougar Tears

Cougar Tears allows the user to easily navigate, intuitively browse, and conduct the most advanced searches for those greatest moments in Utah football history: the times wherein BYU fans (and players) cried. Among these timeless tragedies, users will find:
  • 34-31. Every field goal, every touchdown, every delicious tear-inducing play.
  • "The Duck", 2010. Utah's wobbly, deflated punt late in the fourth quarter of a game BYU led by five miraculously bounced off a BYU player and into the arms of a waiting Ute. Magic happens, indeed!
  • The Fan Drunk on Faith v. The Utah Cheerleader. Watch as the 250-pound Utah cheerleader gets sucker-punched by a rowdy (but rail-thin) BYU fan and then proceeds to pound BYU fan into the Cougar Stadium turf. Users have the option of setting this highlight to music, re-editing, and posting new mixes quickly and easily to facebook.
  • BYU v. Hawaii, 2001. A previously undefeated Cougars squad was pummeled on the islands to lose a potential Bowl Alliance Bid and renewed glory under Gary Crowton.
  • Gary Crowton, 2000-2004. Utah fans can relive every Crowton article, interview, and press release from the over-enthused media hype surrounding his arrival, his meteoric ascent in the Fall of 2001, and his ultimate and fiery demise in 2003's 3-0 loss to the Utes in the "Cold Bowl." (Warning: This feature may not be safe for work).
  • BYU v. TCU, 2009. BYU, then ranked no. 7 in the land and racing towards a BCS berth and perhaps a National Championship matchup, faced the Horned Frogs at LaVell Edwards Stadium in the game of the decade. TCU throttled BYU and, rumor has it, the "U" above Federal Heights mysteriously twinkled brightly for days (a celebration usually reserved for only the best of Utah victories).
  • John Beck, 2001-2004. Until he finally showed some backbone in 2005, the previous iterations of Beck made even the most warm-hearted Utah fan delight in his despair. Regularly weeping after losses, excusing his poor play, and wondering openly how life could be so unfair, Beck sole-handedly validated every Utah fan's stereotype of BYU.
Yes, Cougar Tears, like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and A Christmas Carol, is sure to warm the warmest hearts of even the happiest of Utah fans.

Act quickly, as this Application is sure to sell out quickly...

...at least until the next loss, that is.


App 1: The BYU Fan App

The BYU Fan App
List Price: 4.99; "Caffeine Free" Version: Free

This application allows the mightiest of loyal Cougar Fans to relive the glory days of McMahon, Young, Boscoe, Detmer, and Sarkisian.  Video highlights include: 

  • McMahon launching the Hail Mary to Clay Brown versus SMU in the Miracle Bowl; 
  • Young catching a touchdown pass against UCLA; 
  • Boscoe thrashing Michigan on an amputated leg; 
  • Detmer flinging the pigskin for thousands of yards per game against Miami and Oklahoma; 
  • Sarkisian lofting passes into the hands of descending angels as they flutter into the endzone;
  • Jonny Harline, alone in Rice Eccles Stadium, holding the ball as a silent Salt Lake City weeps;
  • Utah fans pouring beer. On themselves.
  • And many, many more 20- and 30-year-old highlights. (Well, maybe not "many" so much as "a few").
These video highlights have been designed specifically with the Cougar fan in mind.  The videos default to "repeat" so that Cougars may wallow at their leisure in their storied history while simultaneously reassuring themselves of their peculiar moral superiority.

AS A SPECIAL BONUS, Included with this App is the surefire gaming hit "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree."  Taking full advantage of the always sublime Apple touchscreen technology, Popcorn Popping pits Cougar fans against the most dreaded of BYU rivals, both past and present. Players must launch footballs from the George Q. Cannon to deflect team helmets, logos, and mascots showering down from above before the forces of evil can decimate the barely budding Apricot Tree planted at the heart of LaVell Edwards Stadium.  

Players can defend the Apricot Tree against the likes of the blood-spitting Horned Frug, the piss-from-a-boot-pouring  Wyoming Cowboy, and the beer-chugging, wife-beater-clad, chronically-unemployed Ute Fan

Defend the tree from your foes and watch it blossom like a rose!

WARNING: in some instances, the BYU Fan App has caused Apple hardware to melt from the sheer awesomeness and holy glory that is BYU football.  Think Raiders of the Lost Ark melting Nazis, and you're in the ballpark.

Holiday Apps

We got erv a brand new MacBook Pro for school a few months back.

It's been a nice purchase.  I hope she likes it. 

But for me, the real fun came in the form of the "free" iPod Touch that accompanied the Little Notebook that Could. 

Goodbye original 10,000 song iPod that was limited to four functions--Stop, Play, Rewind, and Fastforward.  and...Hello Apps!  You sexy little bits of pure data fun. The first thing I did, as any good parent would do, was look to protect and defend my our little iPod from dings and dents.  Now the our baby looks like this:
Now our little Speck 2 can safely ride in our pockets without fear of key scratches. 

But the relationship is mutual -- I we offer protection, and Speck 2 offers infotainment.  Months later and I'm hooked on Fruit Ninja (slicing through tropical vegetable matter with your icy katana blade was never this much fun) and Angry Birds (they're birds; they're angry; and you sling them at green-headed pigs (don't ask, just play)).  I can catch up on the latest news and weather on KSL's excellent App or listen to a Jazz game on 1320 KFAN. 

I even woke up early on the morning after "Blizzard 2010" (another disappointing story for another day) so I could grab the latest reports on my our iPod Touch.

With all that in mind, I've been thinking about some wicked amazing Apps that should be appearing soon on your our iPod, iPhone, and iPad soon.

So, in honor of the Twelve Days of Christmas, here come my Twelve Apps of Utah.  The first, and guaranteed bestseller: the BYU Fan App.  Look for it later today.