12.13.2008

Where's My [Fill in the Blank]?

Finals have kind of taken me completely out of the real world lately, but I've also noticed that something else has taken around 50% of the general population out of the real world, too. With all the "Where's MY Edward?" hubbub going on lately, I've noticed a decided pining for fictional characters--to solve romantical problems, serve as glowing examples, etc. Guys, however, for the most part have been left out of the mix. Thus, I've decided to start my own campaign for the perfect fictional female--one who will provide an opportunity for guys nationwide to unabashadly go ga-ga for and compare women to forever more. I present to you--the TOP 5 Fictional Ladies. 1. Lizzie Bennet You girls get Mr. Darcy, we get the original Ms. Sassy-Pants from the 19th Century. Jane Austen was surely in her Victorian groove when she developed the effervescent second Bennet daughter. Possessed of "a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in any thing ridiculous," Lizzie has made countless...alright, maybe countable...men swoon for her "fine eyes" and rather tart interactions with Mr. Darcy for generations. Perfectly cast in marble and porcelain? No. Undead? Hardly. But what guy can resist a woman who can dish out as good as she gets? As readers and fans of Ms. Lizzie for centuries, we concur with Ms. Austen's assessment that "It is a truth well known to all the world that an unmarried man in possession of a large fortune must be in need of a wife..." so long as it's Lizzie. 2. Hermione Granger. Sure, she's 12-years-old when the series starts. Sure, she can be pompous, stuck-up, arrogant, emotional, and even silly. But couple her sheer intelligence, determination, work ethic, and fantastic humor with Emma Watson's turn as Harry Potter's veritable Aristotle (she knows EVERYTHING), and our collective interest shot up like the Golden Snitch at a Quidditch Tourney. If only WE could be Seekers. Lest you worry, our interest did not arise until some appropriate point in the series. We don't know when that appropriate time is or was, but it occurred at an appropriate time. We promise. Besides, if Edward's 17, why can't we have the greatest Muggle-born babe to ever grace the page? Poor Harry, though; Hermione puts Ginny Weasley to shame. 3. Xena Warrior Princess Looks great in leather? Check Soprano with a New Zealander accent? Check Throws a sharp boomerangy aerobie thingy to dispatch her mortal enemies? Check Sense of humor? Most definitely. We'd be the Rain Forest to her Amazon any day of the week (but generally Saturday afternoons in syndication). 4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Whoa. Stakes, gymnastic martial arts moves, killer fashion and anti-vampire instincts, a real issue with authority. That's hot. Sarah Michelle Gellar's TV version is definitely the one we thought was cute and eventually fell head over heels for. She grew up, hunted evil wherever it lurked, but never lost that sense of fun and adventure along the way. She was always our steady one... and we kinda dig the fact that Buffy could slay Edward if he ever messed. Just sayin... 5. Princess Leia She had us from the moment she grabbed the laser rifle and shouted "Into the garbage chute, flyboy." Forget the hair buns; forget the Wookie prejudice; forget the fact that she made out with her twin brother. Leia takes Lizzie Bennet's spunk and launches it into orbit around a galaxy far, far away. We'd jump at the chance to be a scruffy-looking nerf herder within parsecs of her, let alone be frozen in carbonite. Oh, that Han Solo, he didn't know how good he had it! Plus, the golden bikini was out of this world. Now it's Your Turn Thus shakes out the List. Now you get the opportunity to cast your vote for the one who will soon grace our "Where's My [Fill in the Blank]?" t-shirts and memorabilia. Thanks for the support, and if you have any write-ins or other suggestions, please let me know.

5 comments:

scott j said...

preface: i love my wife she is my "where is my...".
that being said 5 possible options that may have been overlooked:

1. Mary Jane - the comic book version of course, not the the kirsten dunst version.

2. Elle Woods - All the advantages of a high maintenance rich girls with a side of law school brains. I am particularly disappointed that you (mr. BYU law) missed this one.

3. Laura Croft - Always up for an adventure. athletic. get to tour the world. and the shorts can't hurt.

4. Pam Beasly - Fun, can keep up in exchanges of witty bannter and practical jokes. Artsy. Low maintenance, and naturally easy on the eyes.

5. Princess Peach - Guys are always looking for the damsel in distress, she is a competent driver (see mario kart). And can stick up for herself (see smash bros.)

Bimmy said...

Well done Scott!

My two cents:
1. Claire Bennett - Feisty and beautiful with a well developed desire to do good. Besides, with a girl who can't die, no need for health insurance. Plus, if I kick the bucket, all she has to do is donate some blood and I'm back on my feet.

2. Sarah (Kate Beckinsale from Serendipity) - Gorgeous, witty, a melting British accent, and so in love with me that two hours together will drive her to fly across the country after five years to find me and make it happen. You can't beat that kind of commitment.

ebv said...

First Season Claire? Yes. Subsequent seasons of Claire...? Out. Totally, unforgivably out. While I do appreciate the immortality aspect of the whole thing, well...she's bratty. Could you live with that for eternity?

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Great taste in the women folk, fellas!

Kenny said...

Of these, I vote Lizzie. But only if we're talking about Jennifer Ehle's Lizzie. All others portrayals pale by comparison.