Ho Ho Ho...!!!
It's been a bit of a tradition of mine to
rip-off emulate the merriest of Christmas poems--'Twas the Night Before Christmas. (Thank heaven for public domain). I hope you enjoy it, and may it remind you of college and the days you sacrificed in the name of education.
May you have the best Yule yet and enjoy the peace and joy of the Reason for this day. May He watch over you always.
‘Twas the night before finals, when all through the house
No electronics were stirring, not even a mouse.
The paper was stacked by the printer with care,
In hopes that an outline soon would be there;
My roommates were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of ski-slopes still danced in their heads;
And I in my PJs, and Laptop in hand
Had just settled down for some Judge Learned Hand
When right on the screen there arose such a clatter,
I leapt from the couch to see what was the matter.
But back to the screen, my eyes dropped so fast,
I clicked on the browser, and checked out the cache,
When what to my baggy, blood shot eyes should pop-up
But an ad “Straight from Bar-Bri™,” too good to pass up!
With a little old graphic, so lively and quick,
I knew from the Flash, it must be Spy-Nick.
More mbps than a Pentium Eight
He Google’d, and Yahoo’d, and linked parties by name:
“Now Westlaw®, on Lexis™, now Goldsmith, and Wood!
On, Journals! on Moot Court! on, Tax Law…it’s all good!
To the top of the law school! To the top of the class!
Now case-brief, and issue-spot, and get off your…computers!”
So up to the desktop, the parties they flew,
With links full of laws, and Spy-Nicholas, too.
And then, in a tinkling, I heard in the drive
A whizzing and whirring as if it were alive.
I drew up the cursor, started clicking around,
And down the main menu Spy Nicholas dropped with a bound.
He was drawn all in pixels, every hair and each stitch,
And his clothes were all customized by Abercrombie and Fitch.
His viruses—how they twinkled! His spyware—how merry!
With offers so sweet, I had to be wary.
Quite tight in his fist he held on to a pen,
And if clicked, it then promised “We’ll make you top TEN*!”
He had a round face, and a big, law-school-belly
That, with the “FREE Seminar,” would prove he was no dummy
He was happy and plump, a right jolly old elf,
So I cursed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
For with a wink of his ads, and a twist of his links
I knew right away this was going to stink!
Not designed to spread joy, he went straight to his work,
And corrupted my files; then blinked with a jerk,
And laying his digit-hand on my start menu,
With a horrible crash, my laptop began to reboot.
I sprang to the wireless connection to see
If a copy of my outline there would still be.
But I heard Spy-Nick say, ‘ere the whole thing shut down
“Merry Christmas to you! Go buy Legal Lines® now.”