The Law Code

Thought I'd dropped this blog? No way. Couldn't keep me from it! So, an extra special entry. To all fans of the Color Code, here comes my own big personality test--the eerily similar "Law Code." Just answer the following nine questions and track your results-- 1. When confronted with your secret candy stash by your best friend, you a. Throw your shoulder into his sternum, yelling "You'll never catch me, you freaking NARQ!" b. Deny all allegations in a straightforward, logical sense, making sure your grammar is immaculate and that you meticulously cover each point in your friend's complaint. c. Yell "Look behind you!" snatch the candy from his hands and later burn all the evidence on the roof of the building. d. Try to work through the problem until you finally just outsource it to another friend to resolve. e. Try to work through the problem until the clock strikes five and you get to go home. f. Analyze the problem together with your friend, utilizing different interpretive strategies in order to come to the best synthesis of what your friend "really means" after all is said and done. g. Encourage your friend to express his true feelings about the situation and offer to draft an agreement between you two in order to avoid this situation in the future h. Shrug your shoulders and offer him some of the candy. 2. In your garden, you place one flower, and one flower only, at the center of your zen sanctuary. It is... a. A Venus Fly Trap b. A Tulip c. A White Rose d. You can't decide, so you offer to give the decision to a neighbor e. A perennial flower that blooms from 9 to 5 every day and requires little maintenance f. The Carnation--James Madison's favorite flower g. You can never quite get the flower you want, so you plant a new one each year h. A Tiger Lily, representing the simultaneous flux between yin and yang...or not. 3. The first aisle you roll down when buying groceries is a. Whichever aisle provides the most cover in case the store is robbed b. Whichever aisle happens to contain my most prescient need at the time c. The aisle with the most expensive items d. The candy aisle e. The milk and eggs aisle f. The produce aisle, so you can find the deals on the almost rotten stuff g. The games aisle. Food schmood...you need to be happy. h. You generally go to a specific aisle? 4. Word Association. When you read the following words, which emotion best describes your reaction? GUN CONTROL a. Outrage b. Neutrality c. Contemplation d. Intrigue e. Safe f. 2nd Amendment Violation! g. Ambivalence h. Sleepy 5. During a dream, you see a beautiful rainbow leading to your secret desire. Which of the following most closely matches that desire? a. Justice for you, for me, for America! b. A lot, and I mean A LOT of money. c. Prestige and respect from prestigious and respected people. d. The ability to hang out all the time and make other people do your work for you. e. Stability, happiness, sanity, and a wholesome family environment. f. Your successful run into Washington as the people's candidate! g. Peace and Love for you, for me, for America! h. Ummm...a hottie who likes me for me. Just because. 6. After a heated battle with your significant other over who REALLY controls the remote control in your relationship, you calm down by a. Destroying the remote control with your bare hands. b. Negotiating a potential settlement with your significant other wherein you'll share custody of the remote control on alternating days, excluding federal holidays and weekends. c. Rubbing your temples slowly while whispering to yourself "It's just a remote. I can handle this. I've done this before." d. Calling your mom and asking her to draft up a memo outlining her opinion on the matter before making a final decision. e. Calmly counting to ten before taking a nap on the couch while your significant other watches their favorite show. f. Declaring that "The Remote is, was, and will continue to be for the use and enjoyment of all people" and that you're willing to fight to the end to maintain that God-given right! g. Asking your significant other how they feel when they don't have the remote and if they would be open to sharing their feelings with you next time this kind of dispute arose. h. Turning off the TV and going for a walk to the ice cream shop. 7. Two Plus Two Equals a. Four, bone-head. b. Typically four, but it depends on the situation and the facts presented in each case. c. Five, maybe even six if you put it in the right financial institutions. d. Let me get back to you on that. e. Three, after taxes. f. The same amount to all peoples, races, and tongues! g. As much or as little as the parties stipulate to after a healthy discuission. h. Are you really asking this question?! 8. You are alone on a desert island and have one comfort item. You take a. A gun. Just in case. b. A John Grisham novel. c. A $100 bill, to start the fire with. d. Your favorite pair of chinos. e. Your school sweater. f. A copy of the Federalist Papers. g. A picture of your entire family in matching khaki and white shirt ensembles. h. A satellite phone. To call the rescue party. 9. If you could describe yourself in one hyphenated word it would be a. Type-A b. Type-B c. Power-Hungry d. Middle-Man/Woman e. Laid-Back f. Pro-Free-Speach g. Touchy-Feely h. Okee-Dokee. Alright, now count up how many of each letter you circled and follow the rubric below. If you circled "a" most often, you are Criminal Law.
  • The Criminal Law Personality likes to get down to the nitty gritty, give 110% pull out all the stops, and speak in cliches as often as possible
  • They identify most with Clint Eastwood characters
  • Often deeply conflicted, these are CEO types who cry themselves to sleep with a teddy bear in one arm and sucking a thumb
  • Their great attribute: PASSION. Criminal Law types are just as likely to slap you as kiss you. But they'll do either with great gusto.
If you circled "b" most often, you are Civil Law.
  • The Civil Law Personality would be considered the most easy going of all the Law Personalities, but for their insatiable thirst to be recognized and make LOTS of money. In fact, their lust for recognition and compensation is only outmatched by the Corporate Law Personality.
  • They identify most with Switzerland. Whoever's right doesn't matter, as long as they have the finest chocolates and watches.
  • Civil Law types would be conflicted except for their lack of decisiveness. They run the middle ground as long as they can, and feel safe there.
  • Their great attribute: Neutrality. They'll care for, represent, and even defend anyone and everyone, so long as the price is right.
If you circled "c" most often, you are Corporate Law.
  • The Corporate Law Personality loves cash, pinstripes, and whatever colors best match their ensemble that day. Corporate Lawyers relish their role as both an entrepreneurial and logical person.
  • They identify most with tall buildings and long names with roman numeral suffixes
  • Corporate Law types feel strongly about what they're doing, but don't often let ethics or morals get in the way of a good time. The Invisible Hand and Adam Smith are their gods.
  • Their great attribute: steely resolve. They get things done. Period.
If you circled "d" most often, you are In House Counsel.
  • The In House Counsel looks to find the best of both worlds no matter the situation. They want to eat their cake and have it too. And often, they succeed.
  • They identify strongly with Puppies. Everyone loves them and doesn't mind when they can't perform any real tricks. In fact, it's kind of cute when they poop the carpet. Heck, even the poop is cute.
  • In House Counselors look to have a good time and get away with doing as little real work as possible. They love to and are great at delegating. Upper management and administration is peppered with these personalities.
  • Their great attribute: passing the buck in the nicest way possible. Seriously, try and stay mad at this personality. Impossible!
If you circled "e" most often, you are a Government Attorney.
  • The Government Attorney is willing to sacrifice success, glamor, and money in order to balance their life. They view those transient things as secondary to enjoyment and fulfillment and peace at life. The Government Attorney is likely to take up running or fishing in order to fill up those hours that other attorneys spend billing.
  • Government Attorneys identify STRONGLY with Bill Cosby, the consummate family man. Heck, the guy even worked from home.
  • Government Attorneys are generally relaxed and pleasant to talk to. However, don't expect them to change the world in general. They're satisfied with making their own slice of the pie a little sweeter.
  • Their great attribute: BALANCE. They prioritize and make time for family, friends, and what they view as important.
If you circled "f" most often, you are Constitutional Law.
  • The Constitutional Law Personality loves old values and new debates. They love to analyze and make rules.
  • They identify with Abraham Lincoln or Thomas Jefferson. It's an either/or thing.
  • Constitutional types look for the injustices in the world and appeal to authority rather than reasoning in order to prove their points. If a long-dead president or founding father did it or said it, it's good.
  • Their great attribute: Consistency. They feel like they've got a set of important values to stick to, and they STICK to them. You know how they feel and how they'll react
If you circled "g" most often, you are Alternative Dispute Resolution.
  • ADR Personalities look for compromise and try to ensure that everyone gets at least something that they wanted in every situation. Sometimes they try too hard to make everyone happy and end up sacrificing their own happiness in the process. They have a martyr syndrome that's hard to get away from.
  • They identify strongly with bananas. Who doesn't like bananas? But sometimes the banana is too green, too brown, too fibrous, too small, etc. But when you find the right banana, it's awesome.
  • ADRs like to get involved in conflicts to resolve them. They're sometimes accused of being nosy or gossipy, but they really just want to help.
  • Their great attribute: Mellowness. They look to be the voice of reason in any argument and relish their role as the mediator. They make terrific referees and parents...until their kids become teenagers and realize they can abuse their parents' kindness.
If you cirlced "h" most often, consider yourself The Other.
  • The Other wonders how much BS he can find in the world in order to mock
  • The Others identify strongly with jade. It's their favorite way of being.
  • The Others tend to make up the majority of the population, yet can't believe that anyone else is an Other. Thus, they tend to be secretly lonely and make up for this with caustic and sarcastic humor. People love to be around them, because they can make anything funny.
  • Their great attribute: Humor. You're funny, you know it, and you share it. Hey, when did a healthy ego ever prevent someone from doing great things?
Well, there it is. In case you're wondering, that only took an hour to create. The Color Code took two! It's based partly in science, partly in experience, and mostly in jest. I hope the rest of your life is determined in large part by this test. Enjoy!

1 comment:

shjacobsen said...

So considering the recent sports scandals (vick, tim donaghy, spygate, and clemens to name a few) I think you should do a "sports law" section and detail the legal situation and options etc. Or perhaps an on going legal report on the clemens hearings or something (completely un-objective and littered with opinion and inference of cource...but when dealing with things as rediculous as this i am sure that goes without saying)