Tragic Traffic?!

Sorry for the long hiatus. I promise to try and update more frequently. I've been burning to share this since yesterday evening. It's nigh unto unbelievable. So I'm driving southbound on I-15 about 6:30 last night and I flip over to KSL Radio to check out what's on. They have a nice little program called Radio TiVO. (Hope they have the copyright stuff all straightened out for that). It's essentially a recap of all the big news in Utah and Nationally from the previous week with two hosts-- Mary Richards and Adam Thomas. In their own words, I get to enjoy "everything from gas prices to construction on our roadways." It's OK, and kind of fun to review some of the bigger stories of the week--including the Obama Sock Puppet Monkey Incident. (Nice black eye for Utah). So, I'm tootling along, minding my own slightly-speeding business, enjoying the drive, when out of the blue, Mary makes the following comment-gem about the "horrible week for traffic:" Mary Richards:"There was this fatal accident...this distracted driver doesn't see this stopped car and runs into the back of it and kills two people. 19-year-old (girl) and her little brother...who is 14 were in the back seat of that car and they were killed. But in taking care of that accident, crews...that was only the beginning. Awful enough that these two people were killed, there was a HUGE backup of traffic waiting for the scene to be cleared and what it did to the road was what was awful." Really?! What it did to the road was what was awful?! Two teenagers have lost their lives because someone was texting or otherwise distracted and the mess the accident creates is the truly awful thing?! At that moment, I tried in vain to vomit. However, some inchoate part of my soul warned me that if I rolled down the window and vomited directly onto the street, the mess I would make in doing so could create a traffic tragedy on par with the Black Death. So, mostly because I did not want to be mentioned on next week's Radio TiVO myself, I opted for quiet disgust instead. After the initial nausea, though, I keep praying that Mary's gonna retract that statement or make some correction of what she intended versus what she said. "There's NO WAY she really meant that, right? Right...? Please.........?" Wrong. To my dismay: Nothing. Not a peep. What I do get is a minute or two analysis of how HORRIBLE, TRAGIC, and MIND-NUMBINGLY AWFUL the traffic backup was. Listening to Mary and Adam, these people must have been stuck in traffic for HOURS! How they could live through that mess is a miracle. I mean, come on, people! These unfortunates might have missed some of their favorite summer TV reruns!!! Horrible. Tragic. Awful. But then, the capstone. Mary outshines herself. In her most sympathetic tone, our most sensitive Radio TiVO anchor aches for those people stuck in the traffic caused by the fatal accident: "I really feel bad for people who were out in that. They had to clean it up though! They had to re-do that whole thing." Those poor traffic goers. Imagine if their AC had gone out! Worse, think of those poor, poor UDOT employees. Forced to do what they get paid to do!! But you wanna know how KSL's Radio TiVO segued out of that? THE VERY NEXT SEGMENT WAS--I KID YOU NOT--HOW CEREAL BOXES HAVE BEEN SHRINKING OVER THE YEARS. HORROR! TRAGEDY! AWFULNESS!!! I'm sorry if the sarcasm is laid on a bit thick at this point, but I don't know how to more forcefully express my angst at this complete insensitivity. I wanted to reach through the radio and bonk Mary Richards on the head, grab her by the shoulders and shout "Are you serious?!" Two young people lost their lives. That is the tragedy. That should serve as a warning to drivers everywhere to stay alert and attentive at all times. That cannot be compared to traffic woes. Who knows what they could have done, what they could have been, where they could have gone? And now they can't. My heart goes out to their family. Nothing will ever compensate for that loss. And I'm sorry that some of our local reporters lost sight of that.


Barb @ getupandplay said...

That is the worst thing I have ever heard! I can't believe how insensitive some people are! What a horrible tragedy. I'm glad you have a conscience.

EBV said...

Thanks, Barb. I'm glad, too.

madelyn said...

I hope those poor kids' parents didn't hear that! What a horrible thing to say.

KEW said...

TO: Mary Richards
FROM: KSL Executives
RE: New Required Procedure for Translating Thought to Oral Communication.

Dear Mary:

The following procedures shall now be followed any time you wish to say something that was not scripted out ahead of time for you:

Step (1): Immediately clap hand over mouth, so as to avoid accidental discharge of idiocy.

Step (2): Immediately turn off microphone. So as to avoid accidental discharge of idiocy in the event that Step (1) failed and your mouth remains uncovered but your forehead is bruised or your nose is bloody.

Step (3): Inform your colleagues that you have a thought you wish to express. (All of your co-workers have been told to immediately drop what they are doing should you make this statement).

Step (4): Write the proposed statement down.

Step (5): Read it back to yourself silently.

Step (6): (The most important step) THINK. HARD.

Step (7): If, despite these efforts, you still believe the statement is necessary, immediately hand the proposed statement to the nearest coworker whose education extends beyond the realm of finger paint and

Step (8): If the co-worker finds nothing wrong with the statement, immediately ask him/her what the last thing they watched on television was. If the answer involves "Nick-at-Night","Bob Saget", or the E! network, start this process again at Step (6).

Step (9): THINK. HARD. AGAIN. Try to focus on whether you are compairing sudden death or dismemberment with an inconvenience. If you are, drop the paper and back away slowly with your hands over your mouth. If this occurs while you are in the doorless traffic helicopter, back away nonetheless.

Step (10): If you still cannot find a problem with the statement, turn your mic back on, and say the statement slowly and clearly over the air. *If, upon your doing so, you notice cars around you beginning you run off the road in shock, return immediately to the studio for further instructions


The KSL Management

EBV said...

Kyle-- Absolute Brilliance! Mind if I post that on the main page?


KEW said...

not at all. I'll take credit for the result of being bored at the office and having ADD anyday.

Christin said...

Wow, I thought abortion was bad, but that is one of the most disturbing disregards for human life yet!

Mel said...

Wow. Just....wow.