THE BIG "ONE-OH-OH"

Party Time!!! WOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO. Well, here they are. Your 100th-ebv-Post Questions of Zen. Enjoy!

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SteveJJohnson said...

What is the least favorite thing that you've endured in your life (besides law school) that you wouldn't change if you could do it over again?

There are lots of things, but one thing in particular sticks out in my mind: Kurt Russell's remake of the classic movie "The Poseidon Adventure," shortened for the ADD generation to simply "Poseidon." Let me set the scene: Cinemark Movies 10 in Salt Lake City, Utah. It's dollar Tuesday. I'm 23. I'm with 6 or 7 really close friends. We strain to make it to our seats, gum and soda residue sucking and slurping at our shoes. We think we're the only ones in the theater. The previews were for films that were coming out on DVD in a few days. The air conditioning kept us somewhere above freezing and a shade under comfortable. Highlight of the movie? A "Rogue Wave" hits the cruise-liner and flips it upside down. We know we're in for a long one when the recently crushed gay architect Richard Dreyfuss (we know he's gay because he has an earing) takes our hero fireman, Russell, aside and shouts "I'm an architect so I know ships aren't designed to stay afloat upside down."

Ouch. That, my friends, is a line! Simply groaning seemed like too much effort to go to for this stinker. And from there, it didn't get much better. Fergie died, there were lots of explosions, Kurt Russell drowned, and there were some more explosions.

Wow. Ex Post Facto Spoiler Alert!!! Sorry if I ruined the movie for you.

But you know what? We embraced the awfulness of the Poseidon experience. Turns out, we had the time of our lives! We were free to throw popcorn at the screen, boo, hiss, comment, mock, and generally have our way with the film. It was fantastic! We were almost sad to see the final credits roll up the screen.

And apparently we weren't the only ones to have the time of our lives. After the entire two-hour extravaganza, the couple "sitting" on the front row sat up. I don't know what was funnier, our reaction to them or their reaction to us. Silence followed by giggles followed by embarrassed glances at the sticky carpet.

I learned that day to appreciate the bad with the good, the sticky with the smooth, the Fergie with the Dreyfuss.

Natalie L. said...

If you were able to choose one super-human power what would it be and why?

Thanks for the question, Natalie! I've often dreamed of having a super-human power, especially during those long lectures at Law School. My ideal power, if I could only have one, would be one of two:

1) Manipulate time and space. Ever wanted to go back and change something awful that happened? Wanted to tell someone how you really felt? Voila--life changed! Tired of sitting at your desk in Provo, Utah? BOOM! You're dining on crepes and fromage in a little cafe in Paris, France.

2) Be a Jedi. I know, I know. Every little boy to have ever watched the Star Wars trilogy wants to become a Jedi. But in my little boy heart, I know I would be a fantastic Jedi Knight.

JEDI SQUIRRELS!!!

David said...

1. If everyone could have the same characteristic, what would you want it be - and of course why? 2. What would make Provo your ideal city? 3. Maybe I've missed this because I'm still working back on the blog. But what are the top differences between BYU and Utah grads?

David, the respective answers to your questions are: "1) A sense of humor about themselves," "2) A sense of humor about itself," and "3) A sense of humor." Thanks Eric!

You're welcome, David!

gurrbonzo said...

Would you prefer to walk in on your parents or have your parents walk in on you?

Isn't that kind of like asking "Would you prefer to die by firing squad or lethal injection?" In the end, I'd like not to die, thank you. But for my own sanity, and this is purely selfish, I'd rather have them walk in on me. Whether it be playing scrabble, watching television, or...other things, I'm fairly certain "There's nothing about me my mom hasn't seen before." At least, that's what she always tells me.

Anonymous said...

Which character on "The Office" do you relate with and why.

A cross between Michael Scott and James Halpert. Michael because I secretly love Battlestar Galactica, the smell of bacon cooking in the morning, and women who are bad for me. Jim because I'm horrible at first-person shooter games (except Goldeneye), I always have horrible timing when it comes to dating/kissing/trying/wanting to date girls, and I seem to attract odd nicknames, a la "Big Tuna." Vogels...Bob...Vogelshire...Doof...

Kari said...

What's your favorite moment of law school thus far? What style of dance is your favorite?

Well, these questions seem to be interrelated: The Law School's Macarena: "Just go dance the Scalia! Hey Scalia, hey Scalia...ooooooh, the Scalia!"

Vanessa said...

I know, I know...I'm late. I'm sorry! But I must remain consistent in my habit of never meeting deadlines. I have a few questions that I need answered.

Ok. Since I'm late in writing this, I'll forgive your tardiness. 1. Is there anything good about the French? I mean, besides a fictional gay Nascar driver.

Fromage and Jacque Cousteau. That's all I can think of off the top of my head...oh! And without the French, who else could we make fun of? Again, back to the Yin/Yang thing. Ve NEED ze Fransh. Vizout ze Fransh, ve vould be nuzing more zan poopy non-Franshmen. And aye poo-poo ze very noshun ahv zat. Aye spit in eeets eye. Mont Blanc! 2. If Johnny has green eyes and loves ever-green trees, and Pam has brown eyes and loves oranges, then what does Miranda love? This question was taken from my Mensa calendar. If you can't answer it, it's ok. Only 2% of the population can.

The answer is 42. And just to show up those Mensa geeks and their "Genius-level" IQs, here's a question that 0% of the population can answer: Life in Provo or Death in Another City? 3. Who would win in a fight between Chuck Liddell and Chewbacca?

Toss up. Last I checked, Wookies pull people's arms out when they lose. I can only imagine what Liddells do when they lose. After watching both Star Wars and MTV's Cribs, however, I have to give the slight edge to Chuck. Seriously, do you think the Millenium Falcon has a bed big enough to fit a Wookie comfortably? The Liddell house, on the other hand, has a fridge that could fit a Wookie comfortably! Sleep is essential when cage fighting. Just ask Mel Gibson in "Beyond the Thunderdome."

4. If you were running for President..nevermind. I'll skip that one.

That's what Fred Thompson said. 5. Last question...How do you afford your Rock n' Roll lifestyle?

It's a careful blend of budgeting, high-paying jobs, and Guitar Hero tournament winnings.

Kyle said...

I took some time to think this question over. The last one was woefully inadequate. (to be answered in a manner similar to a past blog entry) If you were to compare each SCOTUS Justice to a Muppet/Cartoon character , with whom would you compare them?

I nearly spit up milk when reading this one. This special request post will be addressed in the next installment. Thanks, Kyle!