Rare as an Emerald...

What's Your True Color?

My Result: Green

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

What are you? http://web.tickle.com/rd/50651/color/index.jsp?testname=colorogt&resultid=C

Torts...Not Just a Tasty Pastry

Torts

• The study of civil penalties for actions that inflict harm on individuals/groups. A tort is "[a] civil wrong other than a breach of contract. Tort usually refers to the causing of damage to property or to a person's reputation, or harm to a person's commercial interests." --The Internet.
• Torts are almost as much fun as the pastry for which they are named.
• Common Torts and their Definitions
• Assault
• The Lemon Flavored Intentional Tort.
• Not to be confused with the Criminal "Assault and Battery." Essentially, if you feel like you could have been legitimately and imminently hurt, you have been assaulted. After which, you may utilize your knowledge of the Rules of ENG Procedure and sue the bejeebies off of your assailant.
• Example: Bill Clinton comes at Barack Obama with a "Vote Hillary" pin. After raising his arm high in the air, poised to strike out at his political enemy, Bill gently pins Obama's lapel. In the moment that Barack saw Bill raise his arm, if he reasonably believed that he was going to be injured, he was assaulted.
• Note: Barack is a Harvard Law School graduate...and a sissy if he was afraid of a pin...in the hands of a Clinton.
• Battery
• Strawberry Tort
• The usual follow-up to an assault. It is essentially an unwarranted, offensive contact.
• High-fivin' the guy next to you at the game? Could be a Battery.
• Grabbin' your brother around the shoulders in order to "hug it out?" Battery.
• Head butting your teacher after receiving your grade in torts? Battery (but you could argue Self Defense/Defense of Others)
• Trespass to Land
• Vanilla Tort.
• If you intend to be where you are not supposed to be knowing that you're not supposed to be there, you are trespassing. Capiche?
• Used to jump across ol' man Waylan's fence in order to get to school early and soak up the extra reading time? Trespass.
• Were you one of those kids who skiid out of bounds at Alta, even when the signs told you not to in big red letters and pictures of skiers with lightning bolts around them? Trespasser.
• Liked to nibble on the neighbor's grass and bed down for the night near the mouth of the canyon? Trespassing deer.
• Trespass to Chattels
• Chattel Flavored Tort.
• Still couldn't really tell you what a "chattel" is beyond being personal property. It's a fun word, though, and makes law-trained people sound smarter than everyone else. Therefore, it is a good word. Chattel this, chattel that. "I'll have a bit of the chattel, thank you! Ha ha ha..." etc.
• Sizzled the neighbor kid's ant farm with a magnifying glass? Trespass to chattels.
• Hurt your brother's chattel? Trespass to chattels.
• False Imprisonment
• Chocolate Flavored Tort.
• Like chocolate, this tort often gives the tortfeasor (real word!) a chemical high similar to love, but not really love. It's simply holding someone against their will where they have no reasonable option of escape.
• Remember locking the car door on your "longtime" girlfriend after a smokin' first date at the planetarium and library? Even though you paid for the Arbys, went halv-sies on the star show tickets, and you really did deserve some action, this is still false imprisonment.
• Defamation
• Creme Brule Tort.
• I didn't study this. You won't study this in law school. Just don't say mean things about other people that aren't true and may sully their reputation. Defamation=Mud Slinging.
• This tort is only illegal outside of political campaigns, high school love triangles, and law school talent shows.
• Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress
• Pineapple Tort.
• Never heard of a pineapple tort being made? I've never heard of IIED being successfully argued either. Next tort.
• Negligence
• Complicated Flavor Tort.
• Simply ask "Did the defendant owe the plaintiff a duty? If so, was that duty breached? If there was a breach of that duty, was there causation of the harm alleged? Finally, if the breach of the duty caused the injury, did a real injury occur?"
• Within each question are a hundred little questions that need to be answered as well. Because of its complicated nature, this is a tort best left to professionals or Siegfried & Jensen.
• Easy example: You left your rollerblades out near the fridge. While perusing the fridge for something to drink, your older sister is faced with a moral dilemma: how to decide between Sunny D and Purple Stuff? In the midst of her conundrum, your sister sagely opts for the Purple Stuff. Stepping backwards with her prize, she plants her weight on her left foot just as it goes down onto one of the rollerblades. Flipping up through the air, your sister spills Purple Stuff all over herself, ruining her tie-dye shirt and slap bracelet in the process.
• You are negligent, both for placing your rollerblades near the door and for even having Purple Stuff in the fridge as an option. That poor girl.
• Fraud
• Money Flavored Tort.
• Essentially, lying to someone to get them to give you money.
• Politicians, businessmen, salesmen, teachers, televangelists, scientists, and Girl Scouts are all guilty of this tort pretty much all the time. Thin Mints, no matter what they tell you, will NOT make you thin.
• If I convinced you to pay me money for the education rendered through this blog post, I would be defrauding you.
• I accept personal checks, VISA, MasterCard, and American Express.
• Nuisance
• Asbestos Flavored Tort.
• Any presence, individual, or condition that inhibits your ability to enjoy your property, your life, or your liberty.
• Examples:
• Oprah.
• Red Lights.
• The Great Salt Lake Stink.
• Taxes.
• Yellow Lights.
• Shaun Hannity.
• The New England Patriots.
• Orange Cheese Flavored Popcorn.

Well, there's Torts in a nutshell. Basically, don't talk to, touch, or otherwise interact with other people, and you'll be fine. Of course, this is your bread and butter if you intend to become an attorney, so go ahead! Encourage others to interact!!! Their humanity will pave your driveway with BMWs and Hummers. And just for the record, words, no matter their content, cannot constitute a battery. I claim immunity!

Names

Try these on for size. Way too much fun! YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: [first pet & current car] Toby Corolla. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: [fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie]- Thin Mint Snickerdoodle (That's the "Thin Snizzle" to you!) YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: [first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name] E. Vog. What of it? YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: [favorite color, favorite animal]- Green Wolf. This amazingly coincides directly with my Hollywood Stereotype Native American name. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: [middle name, city where you were born]- Boyd Salt Lake. Hmmm. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: [the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first]- Voger. This is also how little children pronounce it anyway. SUPERHERO NAME: ["The" + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink]- The Blue Horchata. NASCAR NAME: [the first names of your grandfathers]- Olaf Lyman. RISQUE NAME: [the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy]- Happy Sour Patch Kid...? WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: [mother's & father's middle names]- Eliot Ann TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: [your 5th grade teacher's last name, a major city that starts with the same letter]- Miller Milford SPY NAME/BOND GIRL: [your favorite season/holiday, flower]- Mayday Lily. CARTOON NAME: [favorite fruit, article of clothing you're wearing right now + "ie" or "y"]- Nectarine Socksy HIPPY NAME: [what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree]- Cantaloupe Quaking Aspen YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: ["The" + your favorite hobby/craft, favorite weather element + "Tour"]- The Luthier Rain Tour YOUR SUPER COOL LAW SCHOOL FRIEND NAME: Kari Baardson

So You Want to Go to Law School...

Don't waste your time! Here in three-minute installments is everything you need to know from the most important classes you'll think you have to take to make it in the legal profession. (Really, I should charge you three years of your life and about $200,000 each to share this with you, but hey, what are friends for?) FIRST UP? Civ Pro. Civil Procedure

• When, where, and how to sue people in civil matters.
• Civil is a misnomer, as the process of litigation is rarely ever that. It should probably be called Embittered, Nasty, Greedy Procedure.
• But I digress.
• If you're good at understanding and following rules, you'll be good at this.
• Beware, however, as most lawyers do not know how to follow the rules in general, let alone the Rules of Embittered, Nasty, Greedy (ENG) Procedure.
• For a fun legal treat, buy the Federal Rules of ENG Procedure and read through them starting at 1 and see how far you get.
• Note: It's like counting the licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.
• Want a preview of the joy that results from the study of this topic? Walk up to a first-year law student and whisper the words "Pennoyer and its progeny." Seriously, try it. You'll get a kick out of the response.
• Note: You will literally get a kick out of the response
• Fun Factor:
• 3 if you're normal
• 7 if you're sick
• 9 if you actually take the class. This is the result of becoming both sick and delusional due to the grade you received in this class.
• Complication Factor:
• 10 if you're normal
• 10.5 if you're a law student
• 9 if you're a Supreme Court Justice
• 1 if you're a law professor who often gets frustrated with the simpletons that form the moronic makeup of your class. Really, how hard can Collateral Claim Preclusion really be?!
• Idiot Factor:
• Wanna look dumb? Just try explaining to your law firm how you managed to get sanctioned under Rule 11 of the Federal Rules of ENG Procedure. Or how you lost the case pursuant to a 12(b)(6) motion for failure to state a claim. Worst of all, try telling your client that you're charging him $45,000 to defend a suit from his ex-wife when the statute of limitations had run three years earlier and you didn't catch it until now.
• Final Thoughts:
• Empty your mind of thoughts. Let the Rules guide you. The Rules surround us and bind us. An attorney's strength flows from the Rules. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter... Concentrate...feel the Rules flow. Yes. Good. Calm, yes. Through the Rules, things you will see. Other places. The future...the past. Old friends long gone. Trust your instincts, but Use the Rules.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

and then you may have been watching the Colbert Report lately when he compared Mitt Romney to Guy Smiley... and finally, check out my post, dated October 26, 2007: http://ebv.blogspot.com/2007/10/politics-puppets-pc-paint.html See any resemblance? Thanks to Kyle Witherspoon for raising this issue with me. And thank the internet for destroying the right to protect intellectual property. Cheers! PS--It looks like the old Mission Journal won out in the poll, so that will start February 12, 2008. That marks the four-year anniversary of the day I actually did leave for that little two-year jaunt into the Amazon. I promise to make it as interesting and informative as possible, but my aim with this project is to provide readers with a glimpse of what it is like to actually be there, day after day after day after day after day, get a taste for the ups, the downs, the cools and the weirds, and really just see how wonderful and terrible that Mission can be. Still looking for a title for that one, btw. Any ideas, feel free to send them along.

Jumpin' Mo Rocca--Pundit, Activist, Journalist, Friend

I don't know what it was about this week, but I found myself reminiscing about the old days...

2005.

You see, back in the day, I was a struggling undergraduate student at the University of Utah, reading and writing towards a degree in English Literature, working at Kaplan Test Prep, and dating some really cute girls.

When compared to my life now, I realize that, while not much of the nouns in my life have changed, the verbs have gone skee-wompus on me. I am essentially dating my graduate studies at BYU (how else would you describe a Saturday night study session?), struggling towards a juris doctor degree, reading and writing at the Attorney General's office, and working at meeting some really cute girls.

So, maybe it's just the nostalgic side of me crying out for a bit of reminiscence, or just the fact that I was browsing some of my old UofU files, when I came upon this little nugget:

A PowerPoint Presentation titled "JumpinMo!"

If you read the title of the post (congratulations, you can do at least 20% of what I do as a law student), you'd know that Mo Rocca was going to play some part in this. Well, here he is.

In the fall of 2005, Mo Rocca came to lecture at the University of Utah about politics, history, and the history of political pets. By all accounts, it was a smashing success...except for some technical difficulties. I didn't get to attend the lecture/performance, as I had a date with Annie Rosevear that night, but I did get a call at about 6:30 asking if I could bring my laptop.

It seems that Mo had a Powerpoint presentation that he would be using as the focus of his speech, so my dear friend Cody Roberts, who was heading up the Presenter's Office at the time, needed a laptop equipped with Microsoft Office.

Enter: me.
Cue: Mission Impossible Theme Song
Scene: Tires squealing, as the forest green Subaru Legacy peals out of my parents' driveway.

Well, to make an already long and dull story much shorter and more exciting, I got to meet Mo Rocca as the Presenter's Office team were desperately trying to make my laptop work with Kingsbury's technology. Imagine 6 high-strung college students trying to put the last finishes on a sold-out show with the best reporter the Daily Show had ever seen. Then throw Red Bull into the mix. It was hectic.

Anyway, somewhat removed from the commotion, I found myself looking on at the hustle and bustle with none other than Mo himself. Our conversation went something like this:

Mo: Is it always this disorganized around here?

Me: No. It's usually worse.

Mo: Really?!

Me: Yeah. You should have seen the hell raised when the Indigo Girls came through.

Mo: Whoa.

And that was all of the conversation that I can remember. Beyond the above exchange, I know my Grandma's recently broken hip somehow came up, we chatted about the heavy Mormon population in the surrounding area, and I'm certain I made some asinine comment about the Daily Show and how I thought he "was really funny." I swear I saw Mo's eyes glaze over, but he never looked away. That's a true professional.

From there, I went on a nice date with Ms. Rosevear, who unfortunately had no idea who he was, and slept peacefully, happy in the knowledge that I had made a new friend. I recovered my laptop the next day, only to find to my utter joy that Mo's entire presentation was still there.

Joy!!! The JumpinMo powerpoint presentation was at my very fingertips! And although I didn't get to see his speech, I could almost imagine him dedicating the Powerpoint to his friend, "laptop boy with the broken-hip Grandma" from Salt Lake City.

I'm very grateful that Mo left me a gift as a seal of our friendship. And out of respect to my best friend from Comedy Central, I have decided not to post all of the pictures from it...

only these two (and if someone comes along and asks me to take them down in a very professional, legal manner, I'd be more than happy to...but until that time):


I think Mo might be anti-Christmas. I don't quite get it, because I didn't hear the speech. But I can imagine that he's kind of got an Ivy League Grinchy-ness to him during the holidays.


BASIC CABLE SUPERSTARS: Mo Rocca and Flavor Flav!!!
Their clocks are Off the HOOK!

Thanks, Mo. You're a true intellectual's comedian. May you continue to enthrall college-aged kids for the rest of your years.

We've had Arnold "The Governator" Schwarzenegger, Jesse "The Body Politic" Ventura, Ronald "I was in the Movies!" Reagan...

...and now people are seriously considering Fred "I'm More Interested in my Grandkids than Being President of the United States" Thompson as a viable presidential candidate due to his days as District Attorney of New York. On the NBC syndication goldmine "Law & Order." In a fictional New York. I swear I could feel half of the American Right gasp just now. Yep, Fred Thompson's political background includes not much more than a few weeks as a senator and several years as a banter-bilking, alluringly stiff actor. He's something of a reluctant paradox. He seems to be successful in spite of his best intentions to just take his amassed wealth and retire to the dusty summers of an Upton Sinclair novel. Unfortunately, someone out there thinks he can make a fine commander-in-chief. I can just see the inaugural address: "Gall, dammit people! Politics ain't quite my cup of gin, but if y'all 'ill have me, I'm a gonna fix-er-up and get-er-done! Hoo-ah!" (and mistaking the crowd's silence as a signal of the people's quiet approval, President Thompson boldly makes his first official act, declaring "nap time" on the stairs of the Capitol. The democrats are incensed, claiming that "only Congress has the power to declare nap time." Fox News defends the President's decision as constitutional, arguing that the "Napitol Campaign" is a "temporary sleep action, and not an official, full blown nap."). Although, you have to admit that having that "Dum Dum!" Law & Order sound effect follow every presidential speech would be pretty cool. All kidding aside, I've noticed a disturbing trend in politics of late: We're electing a lot of individuals whose relevant political experience boils down to camera time, and very occasionally includes camera time playing a politician. (Really, you'd have to have been spending the last 10 years under a rock or in the shadow of Mt. Timpanogos to not notice this). My favorite example of this trend is the classic 80s movie Predator. This was a great action thrill-ride flick and perhaps Arnold Schwarzenneger's finest film. It's essentially a modern interpretation of Beowulf with some heavy science fiction elements mixed into the mess. Instead of the Geat monster Grendel, our Austrian Beowulf is pitted against a dread-locked, lizard-looking bipedal alien with a penchant for skinning humans and collecting skulls. All in all, it's bloody good fun. However, who would have known that this movie would be an indicator of the state of American politics in the 21st century? Two future Governors were featured in this movie!!! (Arnold in California and Jesse "The Body" Ventura in Minnesota). And lest you dismiss that out of hand, there are only 50 potential openings for governors at any given time. That's 50 less seats than the U.S. Senate. And who knows? Carl Weathers could be making a run at the gubernatorial seat wherever he happens to be plying his fantastic acting skills, upping the Predator politician count to three. While some of you may be shocked at this, a good friend of mine recently pointed out that some memorable quotes came out of Predator that should have led any reasonable person to believe that Arnold and the Body would someday make it big in the political scene: Arnold: (to the predator) "I'm here! Come get me!!!" and (to the cute latin girl who somehow speaks great English) "Get to the Chopper!!!" The Body: (to no one in particular) "Bunch of slack-jawed fa#*$&@s around here. This stuff will make you a (bleep)damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me" and (to a soldier who's just pointed out the Body's bleeding) "I don't have time to bleed." Seriously, how could these guys not have made it big? What better political science background than Hollywood? So with that in mind, here are my next "sure thing" political candidates gracing the silver screen today and the oval office tomorrow, with their potential office(s) and the reasons for their political successes. George Clooney Surgeon General. Did you ever see this guy on ER? He was amazing! Secretary of Defense. He's played a soldier in the Gulf War (Three Kings), a CIA agent in both the Middle East (Syrianna) and 70s suburban America (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind). Matt Damon CIA Director. After the Bourne trilogy and playing a mob-insider in The Departed, how could he be anything else? Secretary of Education. Oh yeah. After playing a high school dropout(?) mathematical savant in Good Will Hunting, this is probably the best candidate we could ask for after the No Child Left Behind debacle has destroyed public education in America. Brad Pitt Secretary of Health and Human Services. Noticed a trend yet? The big three from Ocean's Eleven-Thirteen. Pitt would be magnificent in this role, having the inside scoop on life after having played Death in Meet Joe Black. He makes an especially attractive candidate when compared to current HHS Secretary Mike Leavitt. No offense to the former Utah governor, but NO ONE can match Pitt for pure looks or spousal appeal. Angelina Jolie US Ambassador to the United Nations. Think John R. Bolton, but now give him enormous lips, stunning eyes, an eerie tendency to dry his lover's blood in a vial around his neck, a best supporting actress Oscar, and an incredible track record regarding humanitarian service. Seriously, the Tomb Raider couldn't help but be more effective, if for nothing else than her huge....um...track. Record. Christian Bale Secretary of Kick-Ass. You know they're going to make this a cabinet position, especially if Obama wins. If not... Secretary of Batman. His credentials speak for themselves--no one has played the Dark Knight better. If that position fails to make it (and I'll blame it on Fox News)... Vice President. He can take the spotlight off the President better than any Veep in past memory. He's proven he can sing and dance as Cowboy in Newsies. He'll take on the crappiest roles ever invented in order to get the job done, as demonstrated by his impeccable Mio in The Land of Faraway. And he'll even lose 180 pounds and not sleep, if that's what the job requires. (The Machinist). Only, I hope he doesn't carry his American Psycho persona into the oval office. I'd hate to see blood stains on the carpet. Jessica Alba Senate Whip. This is the Dark Angel we're talking about here. If anyone could reach across the aisle and...well, do whatever she wants with a full majority of the Senate, it's this woman. Jennifer Garner FBI or CIA Director. This is Alias! Sydney would be so crazy good, she'd make J. Edgar Hoover look like Mr. Rogers. The only requirement on her will be to dump Ben Affleck and return to the hot pink hair she sported on the rare times I tuned into her show. Martin Sheen El Presidente. This is the title Fox News would bestow on President Sheen, and change its name to "Noticias del Fox" in preparation for the imminent takeover of Mexico. Their new slogan? "!Igual y balanciado!" En serio.

New Muppet-Candidate

This really brings home how much of a surprise Mike "Homeboy" Huckabee has been in the GOP presidential candidate race: when I wrote my Politicians Puppets and PC Paint entry a few months ago, he didn't even make the list. And seeing as how I based the entrants in that list on articles from TIME, Newsweek, and U.S. News and World Report, he really has come out of nowhere. Well, he comes from Arkansas if you want to get literal. But let's get down to this analysis!

MIKE HUCKABEE & FOZZIE BEAR

These two have more in common than you might think!

1. Both look out of place in the public sector. Fozzie because he's naked beyond the bowler hat and the scarf(?) and Huckabee because, well, let's face it--he's a walking political disaster.

2. Both put up a facade in public, acting far too nice to be what they really are--one a southern evangelical politician and the other a grizzly bear. Get in their way, and either one is just as likely to eat you as to provide sound policy or a cuddly friend.

3. Both resort to jokes when any real pressure is applied. WAKA-WAKA-WAKA!!!

Oh, also, on the right, you can check out some of the books that I read or tried to finish in 2007. Don't ask me how I found time to read them. Even I was surprised at the sheer volume of volumes. I've found that I spend too much time in non-fiction, history, and theory books at the law school, so to counter that, I stick mostly to fiction at home--poetry, plays, sci-fi, and fantasy. I'd recommend most of them heartily. If any intrigue you, don't hesitate to ask about them. Auf Wiedersehen!

New Year, New Stuff

Sorry I haven’t posted recently. I took the opportunity over the break to do absolutely nothing. Well, Christmas nothing, which usually consists of too much food, too much fun, and too much capitalism. Surprising how the days can fly by when you’re not stressed about papers, exams, work, etc. Well, it’s that time of year, and I thought this would make for good posting fodder—RESOLUTION TIME!!! I’ve heard over and over that you have write down your goals, share them with other people and report your progress on them in order to be successful at them. So, here goes: New Years Resolutions: 1) Find a Special Someone.

It doesn’t even have to be that special someone. Just a special someone. Somehow, someway, a special someone has eluded me ever since I moved to Provo. That might be due to the inordinate amounts of time I spend studying, working, or fretting about school or work. And it might be due to the fact that I couldn’t chase down a wounded tortoise without getting winded, let alone a 120 lb girl. This situation needs to change. Therefore, most of my resolutions will revolve around this unknown, yet hopefully real someone. You see, on too many days I’ve come home defeated, tired, sore, and contemplating whether or not I could have made it as a screenwriter or circus performer. Those are the lonely days when all I want is to know that someone out there likes me, and is rooting for me, and wants me to be happy. Therefore, to find her, I will go out more; I will follow through joyfully with blind dates (Melanie—this means your friend, if you’ll still let me); I will ask out that unbelievably cute girl even though I think she might have a boyfriend; I will wear my BYU Law shirts on the other side of campus; I will tell a girl when she looks good (although not at work—that’s sexual harassment and actionable under Title VII); I will flirt; I will buy flowers; I will watch a Romantic Comedy; I will tell a girl that, Yes! Garth Brooks does have an amazing butt; I will do any and every asinine thing required to find and hold on to her, because she’s out there, and she’s going to be worth it, because she’s amazing. I don’t know who she is, but I know that much about her. And if she happens to think that I have a nice butt, then so be it. 2) Get healthier Eat Better Laugh Better Stress Better Sleep Better Feel Better Be Better 3) Use my Gold’s Gym Pass to the Point That Gold Loses Money on Me I don’t know Gold, I really don’t want to get to know him, but I send that guy money every month, whether or not he’s really provided a service for me. With my first and second resolutions in mind, this one is essential. 4) Go to New York for a Long Weekend Broadway—I need to see a Broadway production. I’ve never seen one other than those traveling productions that make their slow to Utah 15 years after they premiere in New York. Wicked, the Producers, Young Frankenstein…Something! Eat real New York pizza in a real New York Pizzeria. See the Statue of Liberty Chase Pigeons and/or Homeless People in Central Park See David Letterman or Conan O’Brien, or maybe both. Find Jerry Seinfeld and act like he’s an old family friend. 5) Have a Better Attitude When it Comes To:

Law School. Up ‘til now, I’ve mostly just complained about the arbitrary, capricious, obnoxious, boring, unstimulating, cutthroat, demeaning, depressing, insane experience that law school has been. I promise to limit just how much of that actually makes it to these pages.

Provo. I will do my best to look on the bright side of the darkest Happy Valley in the world.

Traffic. Instead of caustically pummeling drivers who cut me off with a series of #*$&^%es or ##$%@@es or the mid digit, I will simply smile, allow them in and graciously throw out those #*$&^%es or ##$%@@es or the mid digit with a smile. Pain. Pain is good for you. Like a billion Western Movies have taught me over the years, the pain lets you know you're alive. It also lets you appreciate the good in your life. Without it, everything would be just kind of...blah. Friends. I think sometimes I take my friends for granted. I should never do that. With that in mind, I'm going to try and write something honest, heartfelt, and meaningful to each of my friends, either through blogs, facebook, or (and you should be embarrassed if I have to do this) through physical notes. Everybody who means a lot to me deserves to know that. Family. Ditto above, only they have a special place in my heart, and I hope they know how much I love them. Crappy Media. I'm going to be more selective about what I put into the old noggin. That includes movies, books, TV shows...the works. If it's not worth my time, instead of complaining about how much of a waste of time that was, I'm simply not going to waste time on it.

6) Stop Smoking Alright, I don't smoke. But I'm sure there's some bad habit out there that I can break...oh yes. Procrastination. I'm not going to do that anymore. Starting next week.

7) Start a New Blog

I'm going to have quite a bit more free time next semester thanks to some creative and fortuitous scheduling. (Just so you know, I've got one class on most Tuesdays and Thursdays and nothing on Mondays or Fridays). So with that derth of time, I've been mulling ideas for a new blog, and here are three that I'd really like everyone's input on.

a. Choose Your Own Blog-Venture. Do you remember "Choose Your Own Adventures?" Well, I do, and I think this might be a novel new way to publish one. I'd write one chapter a week and then give readers the option to choose what the character(s) does next... wherein the story is somewhat guided by the readers. I think it could be fun.

b. A Blog Novel. This would pretty much be the same as the above, only it would eliminate the reader options, and be more of a regularly published novel, with a chapter coming out every week or so.

c. A Missionary Journal. I adored the time I spent in the Amazon as a missionary for the LDS Church. The spiritual, educational, practical, emotional, and physical experiences I had in the city of Manaus would, I feel, make a terrific story. On top of that, mission stories are too often told from a strictly Mormon-centric view, carefully packaged and promoted by Sheri Dew and Deseret Book. I don't want this blog to be that. My plan is to take each day of my mission journal (I filled up 3 at somewhere around 250 pages each) and post it as if its contents were happening that day. I really think this one could be fun, informative, and over all quality reading. Some of the stories I've got stored up surprised even me when I went back through and read over it. I also plan to include outside information, essays, and verse that I've written and will write to give the place, the experience, and the feel of it some context and hopefully some texture. This one's a little more meaty than the others, but I'd be willing to do it if others think it's a good idea.

Anyway, there they are. I'll include a poll at the top of the page near the lemonade experiment (also, let me know if you hate that. If you do, I'll take it down. I thought it was kind of a cool gadget, but I have mixed feelings about all the capitalism involved in it) so that you can voice your opinions without an account. Also, if you feel especially passionate about one of these blog ideas, you can vote multiple times. Let the race begin! Well, to wrap things up, 2007 was GREAT, but I'd like 2008 to be even GREATER!!! So, I'll come up with some more resolutions this week to (hopefully) guilt me into action. I hope that everyone had a terrific, festive, and fun holiday. I know I did. Keep rockin' the free world. Eric