Best Things of Their Respective Years...1982

Well, my Quarter Century Mark is swiftly approaching (only six more weeks to get me that awesome present you've been thinking about), and in preparation for that, I've decided to start a "Best of..." countdown of the years of my life. I'll take it one year at a time, which should provide quite a few posts up until the actual Ides of December. So, to begin...I give you
Five of the Best Things to Happen This Year
1. Best Album that Would Inspire Thousands of Misguided 80s Teens to Buy Red Leather, Grab their Groins, Point to the Sky and Yell "Ooooop! Ahh!" In Really High Pitched, Poppy Voices:
2. Best TV Show to Feature Marty McFly Before He Helped Doc Brown Test the Flux Capacitor and Finally Prove That 1.21 Gigowatts of Electricity Can Be Safely Channeled Directly Into a Dolorian Traveling at 88 MPH:Family Ties
3. Best Anti-Trust Violating Monopoly to Be Broken Up Only To Form Up Later In The Next Millenium and Provide Crappy, Expensive Phone Service Only to Throw Their Hat In With Apple and Delight Customers With Fancy Gadgetry and New Fangled Touchy Screeny Stuff:
4. Best New Product To Launch an Infuriating Packaging System Consisting of Unbreakable Shrinkwrap, Incredibly Fragile Plastic, and A Contract With Satan Himself to Ensure That Thousands Would Lose Themselves To Him Through the Cursing and Gnashing of Their Teeth on Its Shiny Plastic Wrap:
5. Best Non-Human to Win Time's "Man of the Year" in the Same Month That Marcia Vogeler's Man of the Year is Born in Holy Cross Hospital:

1 comment:

Andrew McKnight said...

I'm thinking that your next few posts will be the best history lesson I've ever received. But what do you mean about misguided teens buying red leather? Are you telling me to get rid of mine? ;)