(NOTE: Timmy and I have since patched things up.)
Also in 1984:
--TaB's original formula, developed in 1963 to help people keep tabs on their dietary intake (get it?), is tweaked on May 16 to mix saccharin with a small amount of aspartame. Thousands of famous athletes, politicians, and movie stars weep at the loss of their pure saccharin TaB and wonder whether they'll live long enough to find another common link so deceptively sweet as their favored drink.--BYU wins the National Championship in Football. Provo river spills over its banks as does Provo's collective ego. The Honor Code is lifted for two weeks as a carnival-esque state of Mormon Mardi Gras descends upon Happy Valley. Coca-Cola is consumed without shame, lovers hold hands in broad daylight, and thigh-high shorts pepper the campus in the middle of January. BYU administration holds its breath for two weeks so that the color of the mighty Cougars might be reflected in their countenance. Angels sing "Rise and Shout" and the words "Because of you our faith is strong" are added to the school song to remind students to where they might look for football redemption. Hours after the re-establishment of the Honor Code, things in Happy Valley return to normal. --Crack Cocaine begins to sweep the nation. Famous athletes, politicians, and movie stars cry tears of joy and sniffle uncontrollably at the thought that they finally have a common link to replace TaB.