A Day in the Life of...

Here's a minute-by-minute snapshot of today's action: 12:01 am: realize, to my chagrin, that I still have a few hours to go on my 20 page brief which will be due this evening at 8:00pm sharp. Wonder where the Mountain Dew is. 12:03 am: find the Mountain Dew and my source of caffeine. Wonder simultaneously to myself "Ah! This should do the trick" and "Hmmm...it's been a long time since I've had caffeine coursing through my capilaries." 12:05 am: Return to the computer, stare blankly at the screen... 12:15 am: Discover myself still staring at the screen; check my email, my blog, my facebook account, my bank account, my old email, and the news... 12:25 am: Return to my Word document. Stare deeply into the nether regions of the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution and wonder "why did the Founding Fathers make so many promises?! WHY?!" 12:26 am: Check my email, my blog, my facebook account, my bank account, my old email, and the news...just in case something important has come in recently. 12:30 am: Wonder "WHY ISN'T THIS PAPER GETTING DONE?!" Force myself to take responsibility for my actions and begin to type... 1:00 am: After a full paragraph of "All work and no play make Eric a dull boy," decide that law school was a bad idea, moving somewhere far away would be good for me, and debate between whether I should write a novel and/or run for election in the far away Senate. 1:05 am: Remember that reality bites and say a little prayer for Dana Carvey 2:00 am: Think "Thank heaven for Mtn. Dew! I'm awake, alert, and typing away!" 2:05 am: Wonder why 18-year-old neighbors are blowing one of those annoying football horns. Turn volume on music up. 2:10 am: Think, MAN, the Doobie Brothers really had something goin', didn't they? 2:30 am: Realize that somehow my paper has finished itself. Say a prayer for both Mtn. Dew and the 18-year-old neighbors. 2:35 am: Check the email, the blog, the facebook, the bank, the old email, 'cause you never know, right? 2:40 am: Still not feeling tired, decide to learn a new song on the guitar. 2:45 am: Realize that for every song I learn on the guitar, a BYU girl gets her ring. 2:50 am: Realize that I have to be up at 7:45 am. Lay me down to sleep. 2:53 am: Toss 2:54 am: Turn 2:55 am: Dedicate the remaining waking time I have until I fall asleep to composing a letter to Mtn. Dew promising to never buy, use, or recommend their product again. 3:15 am: Still stuck on whether "Dear Sir or Madam" or "To Whom It May Concern" is the best way to begin the letter 3:17 am: Can't imagine how the 18-year-old neighbors have the energy to continue tooting their horn. 3:30 am: Say another prayer for Mtn. Dew, caffeine in general, and my idiot self for leaving so much to do for so late at night. Promise myself to never do it again. 3:31 am: Come to grips with the fact that it will happen again. 3:32 am: Sleep. I think. 7:45 am: Alarm goes off. Groggily imagine that someone is calling me. 7:47 am: Wonder why they don't hang up. Somehow manage to take battery out of alarm with three fingers of one hand so as to allow the maximum amount of skin to stay under the covers. 8:45 am: Wake up with a start and think "Damn that Mtn. Dew! Vile Caffeine!!" 8:50 am: Shower. Thank the Romans for interior plumbing and heated water. 9:00 am: Realize that I'm hungry, but no time for food. Brush teeth and run out door. 9:10 am: Arrive at the J. Reuben Clark School of Law. Remember what it was like and visualize an imaginary trashcan so that I can imaginarily vomit into it. 9:20 am: Walk past the trashcan dedicated to and sponsored by a former student; briefly flirt with vomiting into it, but remember that I haven't eaten today. 9:21 am: Reaffirm my promise to one day sponsor a golden urinal at the J. Reuben Clark which reads: "Law School--Please be Courteous and Remember to Flush Dreams Away." 9:30 am: See friends from law school, remember that even in the worst situations, nice people can sometimes make up for some of the crap. Remember that I still have to read for Evidence. 9:40 am: Decide I need to check my email, blog, facebook, news, bank account, old emails, and new email again instead of reading for Evidence. 9:50 am: Once again, promise myself to stay on top of my reading. 9:51 am: Overhearing my whispered promise, a friend tells me to come to grips with the fact that it will happen again on Wednesday. 9:53 am: Swear I overhear the BYU girl get her ring. 9:53:05 am: Swear I overhear the BYU boy who gave the BYU girl her ring hit the floor with his forehead. 9:53:07 am: Swear I overhear a voice on the wind whispering "If you buy it, she will come..."; consider whether it could be cubic zirconia... 9:59 am: Decide that my email needs to be checked one last time... 10:00 am: Begin a four-hour marathon of class. Promise myself that today will be different, today will be unique, today will be a day to beat all days in the world of legal academia... 10:01 am: Dimly aware that my brain has turned off. Somewhere, somehow, a part of my soul weeps. 2:00 pm: Stomach informs brain that it hasn't been filled recently; brain, annoyed at being turned back on again, tries to silence stomach. However, stomach reminds brain that gastro-intestinal system, of which stomach is a member, can make brain rue the day it first thought. Brain backs down and tells legs to make way to Creamery, forces hands to pull out wallet, and induces mouth to speak to cash register person. Stomach is appeased, body returns to state of Defcon 2. 2:45 pm: Now that the threat has been quashed, brain reminds Eric that paper must still be edited and proof-read before turn-in. 2:50 pm: Not used to brain's instructions, I hastily check email, blog, facebook, bank account, old email, old news, and purportedly new news before finally agreeing with brain. 3:00 pm: Try to finish paper. 3:25 pm: Come to sudden, unexpected realization that grammar is finally cool. 3:26 pm: Sob into my hands for making that realization. 4:00 pm: Remember that I have another class at 5:00 pm. Imagine what life must be like outside the concrete walls of the J. Reuben Clark. 4:02 pm: Walk over to a window and see what life is like outside the walls of the J. Reuben Clark. 4:03 pm: As life goes by outside the walls of the J. Reuben Clark, another BYU girl gets her ring. Promise self to never propose on a sidewalk in the middle of the day. 4:04 pm: Come to sudden, unexpected realization that any proposal that elicits a "yes" is better than an elaborate or creative one that ends with a "no." Say a prayer for Sauce girl from Tomasito's last year. http://ebv.blogspot.com/2006/11/byu-law-we-stay-as-far-away-from-campus.html 4:15 pm: Get ready for the next class. Attempt to convince myself that my paper will get finished between 6:30 and 7. 5:00 pm: Begin to bite nails and wonder about my paper. 5:01 pm: Run out of nails to bite and consign myself to mediocrity. 5:45 pm: Class gets let out early. Reaffirm faith in a higher power and run back to desk via the stairs. 5:46 pm: Have to slow down, put hands on knees, and catch breath. 5:48 pm: Still trying to catch breath and curse my sedentary lifestyle of books, study, and intermittant, caffeine-interrupted sleep. 5:50 pm: Stagger over to desk and start up laptop. 5:51 pm: Check email, in case someone else has written my paper for me. 5:53 pm: Disappointed that no one has finished my paper for me. 6:00 pm: Begin the proofing and editing process. 7:00 pm: Amazed at what I can do in an hour when I have to. Print out five copies of the brief, hand them in appropriately, try to make brain accept the fact that paper is done, and realize that brain has been powered down since 5:01 pm. 8:45 pm: Wake up brain to watch the TiVo'd episode of Heroes. 8:47 pm: Brain releases endorphins. Now: Thankful to finally write on the blog instead of just checking it. Wondering if Brain has been powered down the whole time. Promise myself to check email less and work more, because I have to. Tomorrow: Realize that my "Now" me is much more idealistic with "Tomorrow" me's time than "Now" me's own. Promise to remedy that. Tomorrow