I've decided to set down a code of my own making to supplement the Honor Code here at BYU. I just don't think the Honor Code is strict enough. I mean, where else on earth does an organization actually ask you to verify that you will "voluntarily" agree to a set of standards to live by, and then make you sign a binding contract to that effect? I say get rid of the "voluntary" pretext, and just set down the law. If you want to go to school here, you'll live this stuff; otherwise, you're out of the Garden and into the cold, harsh world.
To you critics out there who might argue that I'm taking away someone's agency, I counter by saying: You're free to sign the contract, right? You were free to come to this school, right? Now that you're here, we're freely going to make you live the RIGHT way. Our way.
So, to kick off my tighter, leaner code, I'll address the Dress and Grooming Standard.
Under the Men's section of the Dress and Grooming Standards, the following guideline is issued:
"If worn, moustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth."
I have two issues with the allowable moustache. First: if facial hair guidelines exist for the men, women should have to follow them as well. (Ladies, you know who you are). Second: if this is the only allowable facial hair, please, for the love of all that is good in this world, just get rid of all of it. It's not that it's an embarrassment or even ugly. To the contrary: it's too attractive. (See the above photo. Seriously, could any woman resist that moustache? And see the below photo. "What could be better than a moustache," you ask? "A guy holding an insanely cute baby and a moustache," I respond.)
No. It's simply too much for other individuals to resist. In my short time living in Guatemala in 2005, I discovered the perils of wearing a "neatly trimmed moustache." It was a Latin American Lady-Killer. How many women would have fallen if I hadn't maintained the amazing levels of monk-like self control that I did, I cannot begin to imagine. Hundreds, if not millions.
So, to prevent the kind of tragedy that a rash of staches would produce at BYU, my Rule would read something like this:
Eric Code, Rule #1:
In order to protect the virtue and chastity of the young men and women on campus, and to avoid temptations above that which others can possibly bear, men shall not wear any moustache of any kind. Any violations of this rule will result in immediate Time Out and prompt shaving.
It's for the greater good people. Let's get behind this thing. I'm thinking a protest/gathering at BYU in mid-October would be appropriate. We'll wear shaving cream on our upper lips, and we could carry signs saying "Shave and Save!" or "Stash the 'Stache."
I'm really excited about this! This may be the most important thing I've ever done. More information to come.