My wife tells me I'm brilliant...except when I'm not.
(Love you, honey! (And your honesty...except when I don't)).
In all seriousness, I make my fair share of dumb moves:
1. Turning on the headlights on my way to work this morning.
That in and of itself was probably a good move. A smart move. A safe move. But that's where I flubbed it. Entirely.
I left the headlights on. All day.
The poor car probably beeped at me as I got out. "Beep! ebv!!! Beep! Your lights are on! Beep! Beep! (you're going to be so angry when I'm dead when you try to leave work at 5:05 and can't really leave work until 6:00)! Beep!!"
Bless the bailiff who stayed late to give me a jump.
2. Trying to take out my contacts after cutting jalapenos.
Thankfully, I only made that same mistake twice.
3. Watching a scary movie with a sinus infection being treated with prescription strength Pseudoephedrine.
(Warning: Video Link "scary movie" not for the faint of heart).
I set myself up for this one. I recognize that. I didn't check the rating on the Netflix, I didn't know much about the movie, and I made the mistake of starting it alone, in the dark since erv was at school late that night and I kinda like scary movies, but erv doesn't like them and I totally respect that because they freak me out sometimes.
So the movie was chilling, but definitely not terrifying enough to keep me from falling asleep before the drugs kicked in.
And this is where things get interesting. I apparently am one of those people that pseudoephedrine affects more drastically than others. It makes me anxious to the point that I can't sleep, that all I can do is pace around the apartment wondering which is better--insomnia or sinus pressure so great I think my skull is going to pop. (Definitely insomnia).
So I wake up suddenly with the movie near the end and creepy things are happening and I have no context for...wait...what is she doing?! Oh, please for the love... (and I cover my eyes but have to peek at what's going on, because pseudoephedrine also makes me six years old again, apparently). And, whamo! The scary part really hits, I whimper a little, crawl over to the computer desk, rip the power cord out of the socket and turn on all the lights.
Then erv came home, and she made everything better like she always does. And then everything was well and good when I feel asleep easily in the arms of my beloved...
...until 3:00am rolled around...
...and I woke up in a sweat...
...and my heart was racing and I couldn't focus on anything in the room, and I swore someone or something was in the room...
...breathing...
...and that something would definitely possess erv as she slept next to me...
...and what chance does a guy like me have against ectoplasmic negative energy anyway without a Ghostbusters Proton Pack?!...
...well, let's just say that I cowered under the covers for the rest of the night in my pharmaceutically enduced nightmare.
CONCLUSION
In the end, I think my lovely spouse probably has things confused. I'm definitely more often not brilliant, except when I am.
3 comments:
Ooohhhh... I knew that movie scared you! Precisely the reason WE don't watch them dear. :)
The scariest movie I can handle is "Garfield's Halloween Adventure" so don't be too hard on yourself, especially after the lovely effects of Pseudoephedrine. As for the jalapenos and contact lenses...I shed many a tear for you.
Ha! Very nicely done. Your description of scary movies and medication is so accurate, and oddly similar to mine. I watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose while taking Rx cough meds and then woke up and rolled over to see the clock at exactly 3am (a time which nobody wants to see on their clock after seeing that movie). Got up and refused to go to sleep for the rest of the night. I am a coward on codeine. :-)
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