On the Nevada Desert Wavelength

I was driving back to Salt Lake City from Los Angeles last week when I hit that dreaded stretch of nothing just East and North of Las Vegas on I-15. Every time I make this trip, I'm reminded afresh why I just don't like this part of the country. It's dry; it's sandy; it's windy; it's deathy. So, in short, it's just four things I tend not to like all that much. So, here I am, driving at 12:00 am somewhere in the starched nowhere between Mesquite, NV and St. George, UT and in a moment of startling clarity realize I need to stay awake. It's probably not a good thing when you have to remind yourself that you need to stay awake when you're powering down the highway at freeway speeds. Needless to say, I took a swig of my Mtn. Dew, turned on the air conditioning, and pumped up the radio to sing along. Problem is, there is only one radio station that can broadcast all the way out into the starched nowhere: Las Vegas' own Hot KVEG 97.5. Blazin' Today's Hottest Music!!! Yep. You guessed it. In the middle of the desert, where water is scarce and the parched traveler must wend his drowsy way home, he gets graced with...Hip Hop. If you know me at all, you probably know that I really don't listen to Hip Hop much. At all. Really ever. But I needed to stay awake. It was my last alternative, I swear... and so for the next two hours or so, here's what I learned

• When you're afraid of plunging off the road, you can hit some really impressive high notes.
• Every time that Jay-Z speaks in rhythm and rhyme, you can't help but listen up and put your non-steering hand with your thumb, index, and middle fingers out wide, movin in sync with the music.
• Rappers have some kind of preoccupation with champagne. Lots of it. Every song. Drinkin' it, pourin' it out, bathing in it, etc. Who knew?
• Every gangsta who ever graced a rap album was some mother's baby boy or girl. Makes me wonder if Mrs. Dogg really named her baby boy Snoop, though...
• Beethoven and Lil' Wayne would have been home boys. Yeeeeah. Tupac and Mozart, on the other hand, probably would have dueled with pistols held sideways for effect. (Speaking of Tupac and Mozart...you think they both faked early deaths to ensure their later success and legend? I wonder why no one's ever made this connection?)